Dreaminess

Giving up the safe for the unknown

It’s now been almost two months since I’ve quit my job and as I suspected it’s not been an easy journey so far, there’s a lot of tough decision-making.

There’s days when I feel like I’m on top of the World and that this was the best decision I ever made. There’s other days though when that inner voice, also known as reason or common sense, decides to point out all reasons why this is such a bad idea and you should give up and go back to a normal job as fast as you can. You know, things like ‘you’re not getting any younger to be messing around’; ‘you’ll run out of all your savings and you’re making no income whatsoever’; ‘getting a job these days isn’t that easy’; ‘how are you ever going to go on holiday again’; ‘what if you want kids next year, then what?’… Oh and the list goes on I promise.

When I quit my main goal was to look for something that I would love doing. Something that I can be passionate about and that fulfils me. Once I find it, the idea is to invest all my time and (few) resources trying to actually get a chance at that dream.

On one of those ‘reason voice’ days I decided that maybe I should just focus on looking for a nice job, with good perks and benefits but also one that represented a bigger challenge than the one I had, a step up in my career if you will. I know, it sounds ridiculous to me now. This was never my kind of thinking. That is not how I see things and to be honest, it’s a very ‘corporate/carrier’ sort of thought that I never imagined myself having.

So I went on a few interviews. I still kept on helping out my friend with his business and writing some posts for the blog, juggling the interviews in between. I went on a few and some were with absolutely lovely people and I am sure great places to work. But the more I interviewed the more I realized ‘this is not it’. It all felt wrong and out-of-place. I think my biggest moment of realization was last week. I was interviewed by an amazing team for an amazing company. The pay, benefits and location were amazing, and the team was fun. And all I could think of was my previous job. They were fun too. The team was amazing. The location wasn’t great and to be fair, I was bored sometimes, but I still got to do amazing projects and learned so much. So all I could think was ‘if I take this job, why did I leave my team then? What was the point?’.

Suddenly it hit me: this wasn’t it. I was doing it all wrong again. Following the exact same path that took me there in the first place. I decided ‘if I’m going to take some risks now is the time’. So we made it official that I am working at my friend’s start-up instead.

There are no perks, no benefits, not even a location, but I am loving every second of it. It just feels like I’m helping building something from scratch and I am quite excited (and scared) to see how it’s all going to turn up.

At the same time, I am really enjoying writing this blog – it’s kind of like a diary for me and helps me organize my thoughts – and also I don’t want to forget my writing skills, so win-win to me.

Meanwhile I might be closer to finding that dream; I loved one of my workshops so much, that I think I will try to pursue it, but it’s too soon to tell. And it will be difficult as hell.

So the ‘common sense voice’ actually helped; it made me feel more comfortable with my decision and it was great to practice for interviews (I used to suck and got much better). There’s still one thing though: the income. The voice is absolutely right, that part does freak me out, so I guess it’s time to look for a part-time or freelance gigs.

And that’s one more step in my journey.

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